Day 17 - Getting Stabby

Today my husband was sick. I went to school and sat through a boring, two-hour lecture on financial aid - which I won’t qualify for anyway. Came home, ate lunch, and fell asleep on the couch for a solid two and a half hours. Woke up groggy and attempted to read the 40-some pages of copy-editing homework I have. I didn’t finish. My mom is feeling needy and I had to talk to her on the phone for an hour. Meanwhile, my husband is walking around making noises because he wants attention. And then the cat starts in. She hasn’t shut up all day because she thinks it’s time for treats. It’s not. I need to apply for the Winter semester and their website isn’t letting me log in. I can’t create a new account because it says I already have one. But it won’t email me a new password. I didn’t do my math homework. I’m constantly being distracted by family, cats, school. Not to mention, my step-kid is coming into town on Thursday. Yay, but holy hell I have a lot to do. 

All I did today for the novella is put the latest giveaway Starbucks card into an envelope. I wrote a nice letter, addressed it and put a stamp on it. I also read a bit about Amazon advertising - which I’ve decided is the key to getting that coveted “bestseller” title. Hitting the advertising market hard makes sense. When I’m ready to advertise, I’ll write about it and keep you updated, but I’m starting to think this is why bad books make the bestseller list - bad books, good advertising. 

I have a metric shit-ton of work to do on the novella and I’m falling behind in school. Sort of. I’m about to fall behind and it’s stressing me the F out. Here’s what bugs me (and tell me if you can relate): When you get busy and start working on your passion projects, everyone starts feeling neglected and clamors for your attention. This is where the saying “when it rains, it pours” comes from. Why does everything land all at the same time? Why? I don’t freakin’ know. 

I am in therapy. It’s a long story, but at times like these, I think about what my therapist would tell me: Lock myself in a room, turn off the phone, and tell everyone to F off. 

I may do that. Of course, now it’s 10pm and it’s time for bed. I have school in the morning. I didn’t get much done on the novella yesterday, nor today. The good news is (let’s focus on the positive for a minute) I’m much more organized in school than I’ve ever been. I did amazing on two math pop-quizzes today. I don’t even know how that happened. No one’s dying, everyone is healthy, and the sky is blue. OK. I’m trying here. Like a lot of women, I tend to keep it all together until I burst. Today I’m bursting. Could be hormones, all the crappy food I ate while I was out of town, or the Schumann Resonance. Sun spots? EMFs? I’m a bit tapped out. 

Self-care dictates that when you feel tapped out, you tap out. It’s 10pm, I’m yawning, and there is no more Ican do. Go to bed. Sleep. Recover. Start again tomorrow. 

This is about what life feels like right now.